Tuesday, April 01, 2008 @10:09 PM
Thoughts..
Lying on my bed with my lappy rite now, thinking of what to write first with so much stuff flooding my mind..Been thinking alot about relevant and irrelevant stuffs these few days, really.
Times like now are bad spells for me, thinking too much, cant catch any sleep until the wee hours of each morning..Was reading a few blog entries moments ago, and adora's blog gave me some food for thought..
It's true. Ppl like me keep thinking of what we want out of our lives, to the extent of overloading ourselves with plans for the future; but i guess certain things are beyond our control. What we want may not be what we get, depending on the circumstances then. Quoting "to give is to receive"..hahas, beg to differ on this. Sometimes i feel that even though i have given quite alot, but what i got in return is nowhere near what i had gave. Now, dont get me wrong. I know some of you will say i shouldnt expect anything in return whenever i decide to give. I can only argue that this statement is only applicable to maybe doing charity work, buying 4D (u give $$ ya?) and helping others, but this can never never be applied on feelings. I devote my feelings, i give wholeheartedly, i love truthfully..But i am also only human, i too need to be returned with love and care;i too need to be pampered...Are u going to tell me, when u love someone, u wouldnt expect he/she to love u back?? Even when doing charity work, u will get smth back by being happy..right? I guess this craving is what we humans call greed, that's what distinguishes us;homosapiens.
Does someone out there who knows how it feels to give and yet to receive only hurt?
Dont wanna be taken for granted again or anymore..dosnt feels good..the feeling eats u up inside out..hmm each time it happens, it just makes u weaker and more tired..just like leaves withering..
Looking back now, i have done many things wrong; some things went beyond my control..didnt wanted to do it, but i still did it..gotta be responsible for my actions..I'm sorry, sorry for the insensitive and stupid things that i have done...Not only that, i've hurt someone in the past...i'm really sorry, i was so very childish..besides you, i also hurt afew others' feelings due to me being immature, childish and selfish..sorry..i vow to be more mature and sensitive to everyone's feelings now..i will learn from the scratch to take every little things into consideration before putting forward my actions..
Looking towards the future, i now just wanna serve my 2 years of NS before proceeding to study..i guess i would maybe go abroad to further my studies, instead of the original plan of trying to get into a local Uni here...I will devote all my time to studying and aim to achieve to graduate with the highest honours...Maybe after that, i will roam around the world..always wanted to see the world..
But hey, i will still be cheerful though =D